Lessons in Forgiveness
I once wrote on this blog that of all the things I do in a day, forgiving myself is the hardest. Well, if falling pregnant when your last baby is 14 weeks old teaches you anything (other than the importance of contraception) its that perfection is over rated and forgiveness is the only way forward.
Of course there have been some big things I've had to exhonerate myself for in the last 4 months. The (almost) end of my breastfeeding relationship with Georgia. The lack of time we'll have to be a family of 4. The time Georgia will not get to be a baby for and has to become abig sister so soon.
In many ways, the big things are easy. Its the day to day where forgiveness is required with such frequency, its become a constant. This pregnancy has been much kinder to me than my last, but I am still tired and still struggle to do all of the things I would like to do. My house sinks further into disarray. Cloth diapers sit folded in the drawer until I can find the bottom of the washing basket and my bedroom floor. Ellis sits in front of the television more than usual.
But I am getting great at forgiveness, practice makes perfect don't you know. I am resting like its my job and enjoying this precious time as a family of four before our new love enters our lives. What a wonderful unforseen blessing it has been. The monolougue of all the things I need to do gets turned off on a regular basis to just be.
Of all the things I do in a day, forgiving myself has become one of the easiet.