Crisis of Confidence

On Monday, I plan on releasing a spring collection of new designs to celebrate the re-opening of the etsy shop.  It is small, with 6 items that I have designed over the last few weeks. It includes 3 designs for adults.

As I have been putting it together, I have been so excited to share it with you. I've been wanting to expand my offering and while I do love children's hats, I wanted to do a bit more.  

I have been fuelled by adrenaline and excitement and as we reach the final stages of production I have been on a real design high.

Until I realised that I would have to model some of the items.

You know, I like to tell myself I am over the issues I carried around for so long.  The voices real and imagined telling me how I'm not pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough. I chide my other friends when they complain about their looks and weight.  I refuse to have that kind of talk around me or my children.  People are beautiful, far beyond the parameters set by the fashion and entertainment industries.

But the thought of having to be the one to model my designs has brought it all back.  I laid awake last night racking my brain for ways to get around being the one in the photos.  I thought of a hundred friends who are thinner/more atttractive/more photogenic than I, because (the thought that came back again and again) "No one will want to buy something with my face on it".

Is that the truth?  Am I so repulsive that I will send the customers screaming away?  Of course not.  But the reality is that old insecurities make it hard to see my face as advertising.  How cliche - the photographer hates having her picture taken. 

But this morning the pictures were taken.  They are not bad. But they are not perfect. They are me.

Will I end up using them? I don't know.  Part of me knows that it would make a good blog story "See how I over came my insecurities to model my own designs".  But the reality is that I want and need to sell items.  

I guess I leave it as a "Watch this Space" and please do, because regardless of whose face is on the final images, it is all and always will be me.

And I can't wait for you to see it all.