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Gartur Stitch Farm

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Stirling, Scotland, FK8 3JY
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Is, Was and Will Be

January 4, 2016 Kat Goldin

I am sitting down at the computer for the first time in over 3 weeks. The kids took over the space over the Winter break to play minecraft and the room smells like salt and vinegar crisps and chocolate milk. I've had to push aside roughly 75 photocopies Georgia made of various items of clothing in the copier and I found Theo's shoes we looked for all throughout the break. I found the wrappers of a box of chocolates that went missing last week and sticky labels have been stuck on every item with Georgia obviously practicing her writing skills. 

I feel like I should be annoyed with them, but am not because the office's neglect sort of parallels how I have felt over the last few months about work...an outward expression of the mental neglect this space has had. 

2015 was a strange year.  It started, like so many things do, with good the intention to "Tend" my life, my garden, my business, but within days I found myself back in my usual pattern of over work, anxiousness, careening towards (and often missing) deadlines and generally not taking care of anything, especially myself. The kids lived on a diet of beans on toast and frozen pizza and I felt like all I did was fail everyone, at everything. I lived with near-constant anxiety attacks, where even thinking the word "anxiety" would drain the blood from my hands and send my heart pounding. I had chased big business dreams for so long that I lost sight of what I really wanted.

Miraculously, change happened. I took charge, cut back over half of my work, slowed down, got help. The last few months have mostly been about learning how to run my life on something other than pure adrenaline - a long slow process about finding motivation from something other than panic and fear. 

And just like that it is 2016 and for the first time in a long time, I feel tentatively hopeful that I can find the balance that I have sought for so long. Rather than ambitions that are big, this year it is the small things I want to focus on. Enjoying Theo's last few months at home before school, seeing the sea more often, cooking, growing, making, spending time with Kevin, being outside, crocheting and working with Joanne, building a sustainable business.

In many ways, I feel like all I have done is come full circle, back to doing the things I love and that sustain us, capturing the journey on the way. 

I am off now to round up the kids, dogs and the last of this amazing clementine cake for a morning out, maybe at the sea, maybe in the woods. 

“As the years pass, I am coming more and more to understand that it is the common, everyday blessings of our common everyday lives for which we should be particularly grateful. They are the things that fill our lives with comfort and our hearts with gladness -- just the pure air to breathe and the strength to breath it; just warmth and shelter and home folks; just plain food that gives us strength; the bright sunshine on a cold day; and a cool breeze when the day is warm.” 
-Laura Ingalls Wilder
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This week has been killer. But then today the sun shone and I woke up and cuddled kittens, watched lambs bounce in the field, shared my passion for making with 6 workshop participants, drank some (rather potent) home brewed pumpkin beer in the sunshine and just generally fell in love with this life all over again. (Soppy post May or may not have something to do with the aforementioned beer 😉)
The only thing that has really changed over the years is which baby is sitting in my lap while I knit.
I’d like to tell you that I’m enjoying a quiet night, but the truth is the minute I lit the candles, Hettie, my very loud Jacob sheep, started hollering at me because she knew I was there and wanted 2nd dinner. 🙉💗
The official line is that I bought the #soaysheep for the wool, but between you and I, it was really because their lambs are hands down the cutest things on 4 legs. Meet Dandelion, Daisy’s wee cracker of a lamb.
Because we wanted to ensure my mom had a memorable last day of her trip, we took her to the feed store, castrated a lamb, let our neighbour store a dead otter in our freezer, and had our cat give birth to 4 kittens, all the while reminding her that my brothers have never done any of those things when she visits. 😂  #idprobablygetmorefolloweraifiwrotepoeticcaptions
An outtake from a shoot that was an outtake from a day that was many things, but has blurred in retrospect to just the word ‘mummy’ being said roughly 11.7million times. I think we’ve reached peak Easter break.

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